yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
