i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
