i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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