what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
