I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
