No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
