ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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