We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
