tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
