You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
