Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
