I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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