discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
