I want to have your abortion
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
