dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
