I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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