R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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