why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
