my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
