Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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