All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
