My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
