our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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