i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
