I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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