Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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