he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
