you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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