If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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