If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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