well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
