Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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