You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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