Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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