Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
