You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
