Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
