I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
