the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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