One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
