Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
