next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
