I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
