toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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