Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
