i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
