Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
