i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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