Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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