there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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